ISN'T it interesting if I can get to know all about a person's life and his personality just by looking at that person? How much information and experience I can absorb in a short span of time.
If I had that ability, it would be both a blessing and a curse.
Blessing because I can save a large protion of my life from making mistakes others had made by learning from their memories.
Blessing because I know what someone has been through and can alleviate his fear or insecurities.
Blessing because I'll be able to sway people towards my cause by appealing to their inner most desires.
Blessing because I can see anyone's inner most evil and prevent it from hurting others and myself.
It is a curse because I'll be subjected to the emotional burdens someone has went through.
A curse because I'll lose the fun of getting to know someone gradually.
A curse because others will be afraid of my powers and avoid me.
A curse because I'll not be normal.
Dale Carnegie said that to win friends, you need to be interested in others instead of wanting others be interested in you.
Bearing that lesson in mind, I began to observe others around me. Not so that I can fulfill the lesson's key points and win more friends, but to see if it is what popular people are doing and unpopular people are not doing.
So far,from what I observe, that statement have exceptions.
There's someone with a lot of confidence and he can speak really well. But somehow, everybody just hates him. They talk bad about him openly behind his back but pretends to be his friend whenever he's around. The hatred for him extends also to those who did not come into direct contact with him. He shows interest towards others by being helpful. To the extend that he offers his opinions to anyone whether or not it is asked for. The way he offered his thoughts were straight to the point and often prickly. Whether or not it ring sense, I'm sure it's shut off the moment it left the person's mouth. From my observation, it seemes that he holds high-self esteem of himself, so much so that he appears to be looking down to everyone around him. That I believe is the cause of his unpopularity.
However, one of his friends appears to be his direct opposite. He is popular and well-liked by others around him. People just gravitate towards him. One good habit I observed that he practiced was that whenever he is conversing with someone else, he will repeat whatever he heard to make sure that he has heard the person correctly. He did it so subtly that I'm sure the other person did not notice what he was doing. Though it might sound irritating to a third person who is finding fault with him, I thought that it could be the cause of his popularity. Reason being, by repeating what was said, you asserted that you have heard what the other person have said and is eager to reply to that statement. Even if you do not know how to give an appropriate reply, repeating the statement gives you more time to react and to come up with the most suitable remarks. Most of the time, the other person would just continue with what he or she was saying without being offended, in fact, I'm under the impression that they feel deeply appreciated even if there wasn't any significant remarks. He seldoms brag about his achievements even though they were magnificent, this is also what his friend lacked. His friend bragged even when he has no substance.
In another group of people, I observed someone who practiced the statement to its extreme. She would express interest even to strangers whom the only connection they have to her is because they study under one roof. She is popular and has aquintances almost everywhere she goes. People often viewed her as their pillar of hope. I'm quite sure that if there was a mass gathering where most people don't really know each other, she would be a beacon of light for people who did not have large groups to mix in. But somehow, I sense loneliness in her. She did nothing wrong in showing concern for others. In my opinion, it is everyone else who wronged her. I suppose her concerns were taken for granted and slighted when they are not needed. This is indeed a misfortune of this cold, hard world. But I'm sure she is happier than most people.
There's a classic example of the perfect friendly person that I chanced upon. I didn't notice her until I started to look carefully. I did several tests myself to prove that she is indeed most interested in others. Needless to say, she has many friends. They are not merely aquintances whom you "Hi" and "Bye" along corridors, they are real friends that share their woes with you whenever they need to. And from what I conclude, she seemed more concerned about other people's woes than her own problems. However, there's a flaw even in the finest cut diamond, because of her interest in others, she seemed to lack the healthy amount of self-esteem. Though its not as serious as the next example I'm going to cite, it is still frustrating to see such a good person not performing to her full potential. If everyone around her understands the lesson Dale Carnegie taught and praises her for every small action she takes, she can overcome this short-coming and be one step closer to perfection. But that aside, she is doing great and I'm sure she's happy too.
The next example is someone who has the most serious lack of self-esteem case I've ever encountered in my 19 years of life. It is so bad to the extend that her actions become jokes among those who know her behaviour. Low-self esteem is a serious issue. It is not only damaging to others but to yourself. It hinders also how close others can get to you. For example, close friends can make deflating jokes about one another to help each other identify their flaws in a subtle way, someone with low self esteem will deem such jokes as personal attacks and reacts aggresively. This in turn raises a barrier and an invisible wall that others are afraid to approach. And the result, the lost of possible friends who tried to be friendly. But knowing what I knew, I did not allow the situation to be as it was before. I implimented what Dale Carnegie taught and attempted to help her gain self-esteem. I started by praising every small actions she did right and talked to her about her image. When I noticed that she made attempts to change, I praised her efforts. Though its a small improvement, she is now a much approachable person and more receptive of jokes about her. Still a long way off, but I'm sure she'll get there.
Have you ever wondered why you just hate somebody when that person did not even talk to you for once at all? I'm pondering about that too. It could be something to do with our esteem not big enough and at no fault of that person at all. But usually, these kind of feelings are mutual, you like someone, they will naturally like you; you hate them, they'll hate you and wonder why they hate you. When you can meet anyone and like them in an instance, you would have entered nirvana.
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