I HAD a chat with my mother some time ago regarding my future wife and her future daughter-in-law. She has this concern. She is afraid that her sons (I have a brother) will abandon her under the influence of our wifes. Probably the result of too much TV drama.
But her concerns are not unbased. Not only in TV drama series you can see wife spouting poisonous word to their husband, coerce him to disobey his parents or even disown them. In real life, especially in this era and generation, where almost everybody grew up with at least a silver-plated spoon if not pure silver, this sight is common.
We in Singapore are too comfortable, living life luxuriously. Our standards of living cannot be kept up constantly. The jobs that we possess now, even though they pay much better and have much more benefits than before, will never be enough for the spoilt breeds of this generation. Most wifes, though not as malicious as those portrayed in the TV series, is the invisible multiplier for the unrealistic living expectation of families nowadays.
Wanting more for oneself is from a perspective, not incorrect. But the magnitude of the want comes as a very important factor.
Looking at my sister and the way she lives her life. I'll label her as high upkeep. Yes, she spends money to make herself more "marketable", more attractive, but this level of spending at her age is appallingly horrendous.
I'll not deny the fact that I look at girls whenever I'm out traveling. Eye catching girls are everywhere. You can identify them by the flashy clothes they wear and the make up they apply. However subtly done, you can feel the amount of money each month their parents have to supply to barely maintain them, even if they do have a job.
Funny enough, my sister commented that I'll not find a girlfriend because I'm too stingy.
We are both judging each other from our mark of standard. To my sister, in order to be the perfect guy that can find a girlfriend, I need to lavish on fashion wear and spend my money on every latest gadgets in town. Be hip.
APPALING FACT
Unless something happens that changes the way my sister views money, she will end up like the mini versions of those poisonous wife that you see on drama everyday. In order to keep up with her spendings, she'll lead her husband into neglecting the support of his parents and ultimately ignore them. Unintentionally. It is a second nature. Because it is justified, it will not be guilt ridden.
But in my opinion, only guys who are rich and affluent will be attracted to girls like her. And guys from those family usually have parents that can support themselves or even their adult children's family.
The sad fact could also be that the husband she finds would not be very accomplishing. Living off inheritances that will be used up faster than anticipated. Birds of a feathers flock together.
WIVES OF OLD
In the past, wives play a very dormant role in the family, they are background characters who serves the husband and bears children. As society progress and women received more education, they start to manage man's wealth. Some do such a magnificent job at it that their husband's success is attributed to them.
Those were the good wives. They sincerely cared for their own family as well as her husband's family or even to extended families of their sister-in-laws. My mother is one such good example.
It not self-boasting. How many of you can claim that your aunts(husband's sisters, brother-in-laws' wife) and grand aunts(father-in-law's sisters) come to your mother to relieve their personal hardship and secrets that they do not want others in the family to know about?
I believe that it is something my mother is proud of. She is trusted by so many from not only her own side of the family but also on her husband's side.
It is my deepest believe that if my mother had decent education and that she is fluent in English, my father's business would still be around till today and my family would be very rich. Even though it is not the case, I still think that she is a good mother and wife.
There's a saying that a man will take upon a wife that resembles his mother.
Not only similar in looks but habits and character as well.
It is not hard once you have a template in mind.
MEETING THE IN-LAWS
During my first relationship, I did not meet my girlfriend's parents officially. Though I bump into them while we were dating. To say the truth, I dreaded the idea of meeting her family at that time.
Probably because we were sort of like underground-dating as we were still schooling. I did brought her home a few times and my mother saw her before. One minor complication occured. My mother was very particular about manners. When you visit someone's home, you need to address those that are there. When my girlfriend visited once, even though she did address her while she was in the kitchen, I suspect my mother didn't catch her soft tone of voice. She feed back to me after my girlfriend was gone about the manners issue, I clarified with her but she still seemed unpleased.
It is so even with my uncle's girlfriend. I had this uncle, his girlfriend belongs to the quiet category, so its normal that she doesn't address strangers from the family. I over heard my mother gossiping with another aunt about her, saying that it is inappropriate for such passive rudeness of not addressing elders.
That is probably because my mother is judging others using herself as the standard.
What worries me most is what my future would-be in-laws will think about me when my future girlfriend saw fit to bring me home to be introduced to her family. This insecurity could possibly arise from my unstable path of life that I want to walk. Though having an entrepreneur spirit is greatly praised upon by others, every body know the risk and therefore would be unwilling to hand their daughters to them.
Anyway, it is just my unbased worry. Until the day I become successful, I could be ranked as the no.1 most eligible bachelor of my age. =D
PROSPECTS
So far, I have no one whom I would consider wooing. Probably due to the unsevered affection for my first girlfriend.
Unless something big happens that removes all the memory of her from me, she will always become the milestone for any girl I would consider wooing. Though I have another set of standards now, it is still hard to not linger around the memories of an unforgetable first love.
Lol. I still have 6 years to find and woo the perfect girl.
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